Jedi Lullabies
by KaleidoscopeKreation
Summary: The biggest question for any Jedi:How do you get your Padawan to go to sleep? Each Jedi has a different, ridiculous answer, and as they seek to humiliate eachother, chaos ensues! However, much is gained including a new understanding of the force!COMPLETE!
1. Jedi Lullabies

**Jedi Lullabies**

**Crack-Fic. by True Colours and Essence Of Gold. Set after Phantom Menace.**

**A/N: Let's get one thing straight. We do not follow Star Wars like a religion. All those people who do can get a life (awww we love you really, just joking ********). But though we know that Qui-Gon Gin was not alive for long enough to do this, and that the trilogy didn't end this way, and Darth Maul wasn't alive. But for Artistic License, let's say they were. And we are Artists more than Star Wars Fans. But we are... HYPER! BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE MOST HECTIC BEDTIME EVER!!!!!!! **

Airships coursed endlessly round the highways of Corusant, filling the skies with light and sound even at night, but inside the Jedi temple all was quiet. Jedi knights sat in silent meditation, striving to grow closer to the living force. A few of the council members were seated in their chairs, communicating their thoughts through the force. But in the quarters of the younglings there were Knights not at rest, all those fortunate enough to be blessed with a Padawan...

In a small bedroom Obi-Wan Kenobi sat with his apprentice in his arms. Anakin Skywalker was a small boy, scarcely over eight years old, and, as he had only very recently come to Corusant, he missed his mother greatly; Obi-Wan knew this. It took a long time for sleep to come for Anakin, and Obi-Wan had resorted to a lullaby. His grey eyes were far away as he sang softly:

'You're my padawan, sugar-plum, gummy ummy um drop... the apple of my eye.' Some Jedi chose to impart to their pupils a few choice lessons before bed - next door a teacher from the Naboo system warned his pupil:

'Be wary of attachment. Attachment leads to fear.'

'Is it a road to the dark side, master?'

'Occasionally.'

But Obi-Wan considered that at the end of the day simple comfort was best for a youngling.

Anakin's head drooped and Obi-Wan halted his song with a sigh of relief. Simple comfort was all well and good, but still...he looked down compassionately on the face of the sleeping boy, tucking the blanket in around his shoulders.

'Goodnight, my young apprentice,' he whispered, straightening up. He was still standing there when a voice rang out down the corridor.

'Obi-Wan Kenobi! Obi-Wan'

Oh, by the force, that was Master Windu! Obi-Wan shot out into the passage-way, shaking out his robe, trying to appear brisk and dutiful when his Master appeared. If the other Jedi ever guessed that he was not only failing to impart wisdom to his Padawan, but singing him to sleep...he felt the force around him tremor with his own horror.

'Jedi Kenobi!'

He snapped to attention as Mace Windu came striding around the corner, his robes billowing behind him. As ever, his face was a hard mask. This was a man who had no time for foolish songs.

'I am looking for Master Yoda,' said Windu. 'I was told he was in this wing; have you seen him?'

'Yes master, he had gone to settle the younglings, you know they won't sleep unless he sings to them.'

'Yes.' Mace Windu breathed out heavily through his nose, disapproval written all over his face. If you would accompany me, please...'

'Yes master, of course.'

Together they began to make their way down the corridor to the dormitories, where the younglings, those who had not been assigned to a teacher, slept. As they approached, they could hear the cracked, aged voice of their master, raised in song.

'When feeling low you are,

Lower than the floor,

And feel like you don't have a chance you do,

Make a move do not till in the groove you are,

And the Peter Panda dance do.'

'Master Yoda, may I interrupt?' Mace Windu called.

'Patience, Windu, you must learn patience. Too quick, too hasty are you! Just three times hop like the Snow Llamas do! Twice flip-flop like the Gungans of Naboo!'

It might work for the oldest and greatest of the Jedi with the younglings, but Anakin would definitely be considered too old for this kind of thing. _Don't be neurotic, Obi-Wan,_ he told himself, _Master Windu can't read your mind...well, he can, but..._

'It is rather urgent, master!' Windu shouted, his voice beginning to show his hidden irritation.

'... and the Peter Panda dance that is!' Yoda finished, with a flourish. A few of the younglings clapped, but most were fast asleep. Yoda came over to Windu and Obi-Wan, his face expectant. However, Windu wouldn't let it go. 'Are you sure it is wise to... cavort about in front of the younglings in that way, master? You have your dignity to uphold!'

Yoda shrugged. 'Gets them to sleep it does. But more quietly, Master Windu, and calm yourself. Much anger I sense in you. Much _irritation_. A sure road to the Dark side this is.' Mace Windu closed his eyes for a few seconds. 'You are right, master Yoda. But to business. I have sensed that the mysterious Sith Lord is getting closer to us. Have you felt it, Obi-Wan?' Obi-Wan thought about it. He hadn't been concentrating on the force- he had been concentrating on not thinking of Anakin's lullaby. He reached out, and nodded. He could feel this Sith Lord's presence too. However, the few seconds had cost him dearly. Windu was staring at him, eyebrows raised, while Yoda had a look of Empathy. 'Yes, well, I am sure that you won't need me for any longer, I'll be getting to bed, goodnight, may-the-force-be-with-you.' Obi-Wan said in a rush, then power-walked quickly away before either could respond to the thoughts they had heard. He rounded the corner and disappeared, leaving the Masters to contemplate the incomplete picture his thoughts had shown.

'I think Obi-Wan is experiencing some problems with his Padawan,' Windu said gravely.

'What kind of problems think you?' Yoda asked. Windu glared; he suspected that the Jedi master knew only too well, and was deliberately feigning ignorance.

'Well, ah...' he faltered. He was really out of his depth with this youngling business. What went through their minds he couldn't fathom. 'Maybe the youngling is...demanding too many sweet foods? Something about cup cakes and sugar plums?'

Yoda's eyes crinkled at the corners, and Windu had a strong sense that he was being laughed at.

'If that is indeed so, then deeply concerned we should be. Want Anakin's teeth to fall out we would not. Unbecoming for a Jedi. Hmm. Hmhhmm.' Chuntering under his breath, he hobbled off down the corridor. Windu stared after him, running a hand over his head in perplexity.

'Whatever the problem is, he seemed unwilling to share it,' he called after Yoda. 'Why would he want to avoid the help of the council?'

'Be mindful of the living Force, Master Windu. Search his feelings, and find the answer you will.'

* * *

'Heads and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes,' sang Obi-Wan. 'Heads and shoulders, knees and toes (_clap clap_), Jedi mind tricks work on all of those, heads and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.'

He was sitting cross-legged opposite his young apprentice, who was enthusiastically adding in the claps at appropriate intervals. It was almost impossible not to feel cheered by the sight of the boy's happy smile, which was probably why Obi-Wan had found himself singing again. After his close shave last night, however, he was wary, and so he was trying to instil some Jedi teachings into his pupil. Of course, the nursery-rhyme medium left something to be desired, but it was better (he hoped) than...cuppy-cake.

'What's the matter, Master Obi-Wan,' Anakin asked, his head on one side as he took in his master's grimace. Obi-Wan felt his heart melting as he looked at his young apprentice.

'It's nothing, Ani,' he said reassuringly. 'I felt...a slight disturbance in the force, that's all.'

'I expect Master Windu tripped over Yoda's walking stick again,' Anakin mused. 'KABOOM disturbance.'

Obi-wan suppressed a smile, but it faded as Anakin's expression became pensive and then melancholy. Obi-wan sighed. 'Are you alright Anakin?' The small boy looked up at Obi-wan with a heart-breaking expression. 'I'm lonely. Master, will you sing me the Padawan song?' Obi-wan groaned internally, feeling himself cave to Anakin, against his better judgement. 'Humph. Fine. Just once.'

'Yay!'

'Shush, you're supposed to be settling down now!'

'Yes, Master,' Anakin said obediently, wriggling under his blankets. Obi-Wan sighed, rallied himself and began to sing:

'You're my Padawan, sugar...'

'HEEUGHBLAHASEUSHHHHHhic!'

Both master and apprentice started up in alarm. Someone was standing in the corridor outside, and, from the sound they were making, having some kind of seizure. Next moment the door flew open to reveal the grey-clad and unnecessarily tall figure of Qui-Gon Jinn. Obi-Wan had been reciting the first-aid checks in his head, but now he found that he had lost the ability to think altogether. His old teacher's face was filled with shock, disapproval and, even more worryingly, a hint of amusement. But the former two were what prevailed as he opened his mouth and cried:

'Obi-Wan! Why are you coddling your Padawan? _Coddling_ him! And why is he awake at this hour anyway, and...' Qui-Gon spoke with mounting horror...'WHAT were you singing to him?

***

**To be continued. **

**A/N: Pleeeeaaaaasssssssseee review, as is not just a oneshot! Negative criticism welcome.**


	2. Approaching Storm

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:** We don't own the Peter Panda Dance either. It's from the film The Pacifier

'But I honestly don't see why it's such a big problem, master!' Obi-Wan said as they paced up and down the corridor.

Qui-Gon halted and placed his hands on his old Padawan's shoulders. 'You are rotting his brain,' he said, slowly and clearly. '_Rotting_ it.'

'And to think Master Windu was worried about his teeth,' Obi-Wan muttered.

'Don't be flippant, my old Padawan,' Qui-Gon said severely. 'Disrespect leads to idleness, idleness leads to-'

'I'm sorry, master.' Qui-Gon released him and resumed his pacing, his brow furrowed with the depth of his thought.

'You must understand, Obi-Wan, that these early years are pivotal in the development of a Padawan. You should be beginning to instil in him the concepts of dignity, duty and the patterns of the Force. When a youngling takes up his Padawan braid he must begin to put away childish things. The path of the Jedi is a hard one; it is better for him to learn that now than later.'

'But he misses his mother, master,' Obi-Wan protested. 'If the singing gives him comfort, surely-'

'Be wary of attachment, Obi-Wan. To grow too close to your Padawan can only cause you pain and difficulty later. Already it is prompting you to encourage his own attachment to his mother. He fears for her. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to the Dark side. You should instil this into your Padawan also, instead of encouraging it with childish songs. Good luck, Obi-Wan.'

'Yes, Master.' Obi-wan sighed, and then turned back towards his apartment.

'Oh, and one more thing,' called Qui-Gon, 'I'll be paying close attention to your thoughts from now on!' Obi-wan winced, nodded wearily, and closed his apartment door. It slammed louder than he had meant it to, and he glanced at Anakin, terrified he had woken. But luck was with him, Anakin only rolled over, murmuring 'five more minutes, mum... cuppy cake...' Obi-Wan collapsed onto his bed fully robed, suppressing a groan. The boy was cute without even trying. How was he going to be able to stop singing the- ughhh- cuppy-cake song for Ani? And even if he did, Anakin would just emotionally blackmail him into making up something even more ridiculous and nauseating. It was a vicious circle. But what Obi-Wan couldn't understand was why Qui-Gon was being so mean to him. He was usually quite easygoing and kind, but about this, he had been really harsh! Obi-Wan snorted. He would like to see _Qui-Gon _resist the aggrieved look Ani put on when Obi-Wan didn't sing to him, or deal with him waking up crying that his mother was gone. _Are all Padawans this much trouble? _Obi-Wan thought, tired and irritated. Had he got a bad one, or did the others have some secret? Yes, how did they ever manage to get their Padawans to sleep without making fools of themselves? Hmm... Suddenly, inspiration struck him. He would ask the other Jedi for advice! They had all had at least one Padawan. He would complain- craftily not mentioning the singing- that he had tried everything and his Padawan would stillnot go to sleep. Surely someone would be able to help him out. Yes, that's what to do. And be sure not mention the Cuppy-cake song. Then he drifted off into an almost-peaceful sleep, humming the tune to himself.

***

'Master! Master, wake up!' Obi-Wan groaned and opened his eyes. Just inches away from him, Anakin was talking at a volume that could be heard on the other side of Corouscant. 'Wha... what time is it?' He glanced toward the windows. Bright sunlight was pouring through them. 'Five to nine, master!' Outwardly exclaiming 'Oh no!' But inwardly thinking something most unbecoming for a Jedi Master, he threw himself out of bed, and flung on some clean robes. He didn't even have time for a shower, let alone his usual morning swim. He had to be down in the dining room in five minutes! HOW had he managed to oversleep by nearly 3 hours? As he strode around, pulling on his boots, Anakin stood, regarding him with interest. 'Master, why are you pretending to be master Windu?'

'Hrrrmugggh!' was all Obi-Wan could think of to say. 'Anakin, go have breakfast, and then go to your classes. Don't wait for me. Go on! Go!' The last thing he needed was Mace Windu complaining about Anakin being late. 'Yes, master!' he chirruped breezily, and ran out of the room. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan pulled on his other boot, went to plait his hair, remembered he wasn't a Padawan anymore, pondered the living force then sprinted for the Dining Hall. At the last corridor he slowed, trying to straighten his robe and slow his breathing in order to appear grave and dignified. He reached for the door, rehearsing what he was going to say in his mind. He thought it could go something like this:

_O-W: (deep sigh) I hardly got an hour's sleep last night. _

_JEDI: Why?_

_O-W: That rascal of a Padawan, Anakin, would not go to sleep! I've tried everything! (brief, please-don't-say-anything conspiratorial look at Qui-Gon)_

_JEDI: (sympathetically) Oh yes. That problem. Well, an effective and educational way I know is... (Imparts gems of knowledge)_

It was an excellent plan. Master Qui-Gon would be pleased that he was taking such a mature and thorough...

Obi-Wan opened the door and froze in horror. His mouth fell open. He closed it. It fell open again. _Come on, Obi-Wan, get a grip. The jaw works on a hinge joint...pull it up_...stay..._well done. Right._

_HOW COULD HE?!_

Luck was not on his side- nor, it seemed, was Qui-Gon. As he approached the table, he was saying loudly: 'And then I told him, 'you are rotting his brains'! And... did I mention...' here, Qui-Gon was laughing so hard he couldn't speak, 'Heads, shoulders knees and toes?' The table exploded in a roar of laughter. Then the Jedi caught sight of him. 'Ah, here's our man!' one of them roared, as Obi-Wan collapsed in his seat, already tomato red. 'Have some granola!'

Mechanically Obi-Wan picked up his spoon. He had _thought_ his master's serious concern last night was a little out of character...

'Qui-Gon was telling us the events of late last night! So where are your sugar-plums, eh?'All the Jedi began to laugh again. Obi-Wan was literally dying on the spot. He glared at Qui-Gon. 'You TOLD them?!' Qui-Gon chuckled. 'Of course! It was hilarious! So, why did you oversleep? Tired from all those lullabies?' Obi-Wan gritted his teeth, and took a deep breath. 'No. Actually, I think Anakin has been modifying my alarm clock. He loves engineering, and...' He realised a second later that Qui-Gon hadn't really been expecting an answer, and had turned to Yarael Poof. 'When I was a Padawan, my old master made me recite the Jedi Code 5 times a night before I went to sleep! Now that's discipline!'

'Well, I think that recitation in learning can be...' Conversation began to split up all around him, and he went back to his cereal, keeping his head down. He felt his face return to its usual colour. The talk around him was mostly to do with training Padawans, but listening to the loud comments of his colleagues, he thought all their methods seemed unnecessarily harsh- especially for a 9-year-old who missed his mother. There was nothing for it- he was going to have to come clean, swallow his pride and ask someone. He spent the rest of the day in deep but careful (he knew Qui-Gon would be keeping an ear out) thought, deciding which of the Jedi to ask. Not Qui-Gon, if his behaviour this morning was anything to go by... not Master Yoda, he specialized in Younglings, and was far too busy... Master Windu- no, no, er, definitely too busy... Yes! Ki-Adi-Mundi! He was experienced, had had many Padawans, and would take the matter seriously- but not as seriously as Master Windu would. _Alright... oh flip!_ Obi-Wan realised he had been absent-mindedly clicking the 'send' button, and repeatedly copying his report to... Just then, a small green alien appeared in front of him, brandishing a sheaf of papers. 'Obi-Wan! Sent me the same report 5 times you have!' Yoda reprimanded.

'Sorry, Sorry, master! My mind must have been... ah... on other things...' he gulped, and tried to change his train of thought, but knew that Yoda had picked up everything. He watched nervously for his senior's reaction. Yoda's eyebrows went down, then up, then his mouth twitched, then he adopted an expression of grave concern. 'Master Obi-Wan, want to tell me something do you?'

'Uh, no master.' _Leave it, leave it, leave it... _Obi-Wan prayed.

'Nothing wrong is there? With the other Jedi? Or with your Padawan, perhaps?'

'No, I am perfectly fine.' _Just let it go..._

'Sure are you?' Yoda probed.

'Nothing is wrong, Master Yoda' Obi-Wan said firmly. He was beginning to feel irritated. Yoda knew exactly what was wrong. Why didn't he just say it?

Then, abruptly, Yoda turned away. 'Hmmph, very well, if sure you are. But if something wrong there is, a chat with me feel free to have.' Obi-Wan waited till the tap of his stick had faded away, then breathed a sigh of relief, mopping his brow. Thank the force there hadn't been a confrontation that time. Now, back to planning. How old was Ki's Padawan? 8? Perfect. Yes, he would call on him tonight, and ask...

***

Knock Knock.

'Who's there?' Ki's door opened a crack. When he saw it was Obi-Wan, he briefly shut his eyes, then opened them again. 'Yes?'

'Erm, good evening master Ki-Adi-Mundi. I'm afraid I'm in a spot of bother. Concerning what happened this morning-' he squirmed mentally, and then came out with it. 'Could I observe how you put your Padawan to bed, so that I know what to do with Anakin?'

'Wha... no! No way! Erm... you could be a bad influence on my Padawan! Cuppy-cake vibes! Besides, I don't want you to kno- I mean, my Padawan, he's very delicate, and- anyway sorry, but goodnight!' The door slid rapidly shut in Obi-Wan's face. He took a step back, bemused and disappointed. Why was everyone making such a big deal out of this? It was only a lullaby! And if it was so awful, why weren't they helping him? He was just about to go back to his room, when he realised the thoughts from inside the room seemed somehow... secretive... he realised the conversation had been rushed too, as if Ki was hiding something he didn't want Obi-Wan to see...

Well, he wasn't falling for it. He had an inquisitive nature, and he _would_ know what was going on behind that door- and he already had a hunch what. He stepped back up to the door, and silently slid it open a few inches. 'Don't what me to know what you're doing, eh?' he said to himself, then carefully peered through the opening...

**To be continued...**

**LOLZ. If you like it, pleeeaase review! It's good manners!**

**A/N: to get the real effect, you need to know what the cuppy-cake song and the peter panda dance are. The cuppy-cake song will be on my profile if I can find a way to upload it, and if you watch the Pacifier, you will know what the Peter Panda Dance is. Then you will be able to appreciate the full LOLness of this story! Also, if we've got any Jedi names or shortenings of names wrong, please PM me, or put it in your review (which you are sure to send... right- right?)! **


	3. Battle Royal

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: Oh please, can we just get on with the story? We didn't invent Star Wars**

'Now wrap it around your head like this,' an extremely bossy voice instructed as Obi-Wan peeked round the door.

'Yes, hang on...poof, I can't see!'

Suddenly he understood perfectly the alarming noises Qui-Gon had been making last night. He clamped his mouth firmly shut, trying to prevent the spasms of laughter from escaping, and suddenly inhaled a large quantity of his own spit. As he began to choke and snigger, the Jedi master and his Padawan whirled round. Obi-Wan had clearly interrupted them in the middle of an elaborate game of dressups.

Ki-Adi Mundi had the long woollen bedspread draped across his shoulders. A pillowcase was tied around his head and falling into his right eye. As Obi-Wan stared with incredulous amusement a small girl appeared beside him, hands on hips.

'Go away,' she ordered crossly. 'He's the bride! You're not allowed to see him yet!'

'Kenobi!' Ki-Adi roared, plunging forwards and stumbling over the trailing bedspread.

'Honestly, don't you know _anything_?' his Padawan tutted. Obi-Wan slammed the door and fled down the corridor, smothering his laughter in his sleeve and thanking the Force that he had not been assigned a female Padawan. Except – crikey, it could still happen.

It was a sobering thought, but not enough to dampen his spirits for long. He wasn't the only one who had humiliating bedtime rituals with his Padawan! He wasn't weak! He wasn't alone! He began to break-dance on the spot, completely hyper, saying, 'oh yeah! Uh-huh! I...' Then he heard a cough behind him, and stopped abruptly, whirling around. Ki-Adi was standing behind him, looking very uncomfortable, and extremely embarrassed. 'Oh. It's you.' Obi-Wan said, keeping a straight face with much difficulty- for some reason, the image of his senior with a blanket over one eye kept coming to mind...

'Er... hello, Obi-Wan. Sorry that you saw that, my Padawan, she was slightly hyper, too many fizzy drinks, so...' He realized that Obi-Wan was just not going to buy it, and gave up. 'Fine. It's true. I do, erm, occasionally resort to, ah, childish games, but... you- you won't _tell_ anyone, will you, Obi-Wan?'

'Well, I don't know,' Obi-Wan replied coldly, loving every moment, 'Don't you think the others might quite like to know? I noticed this morning that you all seemed to find this sort of thing quite amusing-'

Ki's eyes widened in fear. 'No! Please! Anything but that! I'll be laughing stock! I know we laughed at you this morning, but I didn't start it, it was Qui-Gon, and anyway – just _please_...'

Obi-Wan had been meaning to keep the amusing situation at Ki's expense going for longer, but the man seemed prepared to go down on his knees, and it was beginning to make Obi-Wan feel uncomfortable. It didn't seem right for an acclaimed Jedi Master to be so much at his mercy – even if the aforementioned Jedi was acting extremely immature. So Obi-Wan let it go. He pretended to deliberate for a moment, and then said, slowly, 'Well... I guess I could keep this a secret. After all, we wouldn't want to get Mace Windu and Yoda involved. But only if you promise to not laugh about the... lullaby incident, and try to stop the others doing so.'

'Oh, I will! I swear by the Force I will! Thank-you! I knew you were better than to – yes, well. Shall we shake on it?' Ki replied, relief saturating his voice. He and Obi-Wan shook hands firmly, and then went their separate ways. Obi-Wan was jubilant. He had gained the favour of Ki-Adi-Mundi, cleared his conscience about the cuppy-cake song, and managed to find a way to stop the others laughing at him, all in one eavesdropping! _Really_, he mused, just before he fell asleep, _blackmail may be the solution to all the galaxy's problems._

***

The next thing he knew was a sharp, icy sensation on his nose. Starting awake, he flailed around madly, falling out of his bed and landing with a sickening _thump _on the floor. He got groggily to his feet, and groped to the light switch. On the third attempt he managed to turn it on. His face was covered in water, and his hair was dripping wet. He looked towards his bedside table, and realised that the source of the water had been a large plastic, pink and yellow flower, fixed on top of his alarm clock, and pointed directly at his nose – or rather, where his nose had been when he was asleep. He stared at the partly obscured clock beneath it, which read 5:30. Aaaaarrrrgh! Had the boy no respect?! 'ANAKIN!' he roared. A few moments later, Anakin stumbled into Obi-Wan's room, blinking sleepily and trying to look innocent. 'Yes, master!' he yawned

'What is the meaning of this – this Monstrosity?! It woke me up at 5:30, with a blast of _freezing _water! You _know _I like to wake up at six!' A drop of water rolled off his nose, and onto the floor. Anakin tried very hard not to laugh.

Not that it was at all funny, of course.

'_Why_, Anakin?' he asked more quietly, rubbing a hand despairingly across his brow.

'Well.' His Padawan's voice took on the flowing, authoritative tone that Obi-Wan had learnt went with discussing mechanics. 'I have noticed how ineffective the current widely used alarm system is.'

'Oh yes?'

'People just set it to bleep again in five minutes. And go back to sleep. And when it bleeps they set it for another five minutes.'

'I _never _set the alarm clock for an extra five minutes...'

'But you sometimes want to!' Ani said triumphantly. 'And you don't feel like sleeping now, do you? So.'

Obi-Wan ground his teeth. No, he did NOT feel like sleeping. A bead of cold water slid down the back of his neck.

'Now that we know it works...' Anakin was fiddling around with the clock... 'I can reset it and –'

'NO!' Obi-Wan roared, hauling his Padawan away from the table. 'Look. If you _promise_ to stop sabotaging the alarm clock I will make you up another song tonight.'

'REALLY! But I thought Master Qui-Gon –'

'Master Qui-Gon...doesn't have to know.'

Anakin's eyes lit up with mischief. 'Alright master Obi-Wan!' he sang, seizing the Jedi's hand. 'Come on, let's go!'

'But where?' Obi-Wan protested as he was hauled bodily from the room. 'The breakfast room won't even be open yet.'

'We can skip down the corridors,' Ani said, undeterred. 'Come on...it burns twice as much energy as walking, you know.'

'In that case I intend to conserve my energy until I can lay my hands on some form of sustenance,' Obi-Wan said firmly. Anakin flashed him a brilliant smile, thrilled that his Master was playing along.

They began on a circuitous route towards the breakfast room, Ani skipping and swerving along, Obi-Wan pacing sedately behind. As they passed another hallway he called:

'Ani, wait a moment.' He had spotted Ki-Adi Mundi crouching beside one of the doors, his eye roughly level with the key-hole. 'Stand here at a respectful distance, as is becoming to a Padawan,' he instructed, and then began to make his way down the hall.

'What brings you up so early, Master?' he called in a friendly fashion as he approached.

'Odd, Obi-Wan, I was just about to ask you the same question. Your hair is wet,' he added.

'Yes, my Padawan –'

'Dear, dear. Getting-up antics as well as bedtime ones?'

Obi-Wan bridled at his tone but said nothing. 'Anyway,' Mundi continued, taking a step forward. 'It appears you and I are not the only ones conducting...bedtime rituals. In fact, if you were looking to make a Grand Accusation, I think you might find more material elsewhere than my own Padawan!' He handed a slim camcorder to the surprised Obi-Wan with a flourish, and then hurried off down the corridor.

Obi-Wan stood where he was, puzzled. Then he moved to the closest door, knelt and peered through the keyhole.

A green-faced Jedi he vaguely recognised was leaning against the wall, slumbering deeply. She looked worn out. Her Padawan was curled up asleep in bed, sucking his thumb – a habit that ought to have been nipped in the bud – and strewn across the room were the remains of what appeared to be a lavish midnight feast.

Had Ki-Adi been going along the corridor taking pictures, just to shift suspicion off himself? Obi-Wan was shocked, and not a little hurt. Didn't the Master believe his promise not to tell anyone about the dressups? He bowed his head, focussing on the Force, trying to understand..._what have I started?_ He wondered briefly to himself...

'Master!'

'YIPES!' Obi-Wan cried, leaping up as a cold little hand touched his neck.

'Master, I'm hungry,' Anakin whined. It seemed his earlier energy had burned out; his eyelids were drooping and he leaned against Obi-Wan, clinging to his leg for support.

'You shouldn't have got up so early, should you, my little Padawan,' Obi-Wan said gently, detaching him and taking his hand. 'Come on, let's get some breakfast into you.'

He escorted Anakin to the dining hall, poured him a bowl of chocolate-coated cereal – a treat he was seldom allowed to have – then left him to eat while he had a long, bracing swim, partly to make up for the one he had missed the day before and partly to take his mind off the ridiculousness of all the embarrassment and pettiness that was happening concerning the Padawans- and the guilt that he might have started it...

By this time, Obi-Wan was ravenous, and decided to head toward the canteen to check on Anakin, and eat some much-needed breakfast. After cleaning up a chocolate-smeared Anakin, despatching him to his classes, he finally sat down with some wholemeal toast, coffee and a poached egg. He approached the table where his colleagues sat with some trepidation, but miraculously, everyone seemed to have forgotten about the previous day's story, and the only greetings he got were a few 'morning, Obi-Wan's. _Wow, Ki-Adi must have worked some kind of magic._ Then, just as he was devouring his last mouthful of egg, he noticed that the high-headed Jedi was nowhere to be seen. 'Has anyone seen Ki?' he enquired.

'Nope's', shakes of heads and 'not since yesterday's' were his only answer. Hmmmm... was that a disturbance in the force he could feel? Shock? Humiliation? Obi-Wan rose, excusing himself, and strode out of the room. He had a light workload, he could afford to looking for Ki... he thought it might be wise if they had a chat about this Padawan thing. It was getting out of hand.

***

'He was hungry, Master!' Obi-Wan heard a female voice protesting as he hurried up the stairs. 'Surely I'm allowed to bring him a snack, he wouldn't have slept otherwise.'

'A snack, yes. This looked like a whole party's worth of sugar, and I'm not even mentioning the state of his room. It looked as though the pair of you had been flinging it all over the place.'

'Would I –'

'I wouldn't have thought so...not until we discovered Obi-Wan's discrepancies. _Don't_ let it happen again.' Ki-Adi-Mundi strode off, leaving the stricken Jedi standing in the hallway. Obi-Wan moved into her line of sight and she started.

'What did you hear?'

'Nothing!' he lied. 'Nothing.'

'Good. Well.' She shifted around awkwardly, trying to gloss over the sticky moment. 'What are you sneaking along here for? Thinking up more bedtime songs?' With that she turned and flounced off down the hall. Obi-Wan looked after her, wondering whether to fling his knowledge of the Midnight feast at her and tell her about Ki-Adi's dressing up into the bargain. But he'd promised the Master that he would keep his secret. Obi-Wan sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

* * *

That evening, having cunningly settled Anakin without using any silly songs (a bribe involving chocolate cereal AND sausages), Obi-Wan made his way through the temple. He was feeling rather pleased with himself. However, these feelings evaporated as he caught sight of the green-faced Jedi accosting one of her colleagues.

'And don't try to tell me you were indoctrinating him on the Jedi code! I _heard_ you telling him some silly story about Gungans using shaken lemonade for jet propulsion. Not to mention the way you were anthropomorphising that giraffe?'

'Llama.'

'What was that?'

'Abi's a llama, not a giraffe...that is to say, er-'

'You are as bad as that Obi-Wan! If I hear of this again, I shall have to report you to the Council. You heard how Obi-Wan's lullaby was received; they are looking to crack down on any non-educational bedtime practises! I'll be keeping a close eye on you!' She turned and marched off, her nose in the air. Obi-Wan tensed as she passed a few inches from his hiding place, bu//t luckily she had her eyes shut as well. He half-hoped she would crash into something, but no such luck. The other Jedi hesitated, for a moment, looking as stricken as his accuser had only a short time ago. Then, he slunk away down the corridor. _And I bet I know where he's going, _fumed Obi-Wan, _to spy on someone else! _He was feeling more and more angry. All those poor Jedi, thinking that they - and the unfortunate person they uncover - were the only ones who let their Padawans have some fun! _Oh, and me, of course_. The situation was getting out of hand! He really had to tell someone what was happening. He considered Yoda, but still, something made him hold back. It would make the situation seem more serious than it was... and really, this problem was just stupid, all it needed was help from someone who wouldn't take it too seriously...

Obi-Wan headed toward Qui-Gon's room.

***

Knock knock.

The apartment door was opened by a small girl, about 9. 'Hello?'

Funny. Qui-Gon hadn't mentioned he had a new Padawan... 'May I please speak to Qui-Gon?'

The girl hesitated, then called, 'Master! It's someone for you!'

There was a pause, the sound of something being slammed shut, and then Qui-Gon came into the room, his hands clasped behind him. 'Ah, Obi-Wan!' he cried. Was it Obi-Wan's imagination, or did he sound a little tense? 'Come in, come in!' Obi-Wan went into the room. 'Please, take a seat!' Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan sat down on either side of a low table in the centre of the room. 'Now, would you like a drink?' Qui-Gon asked, getting up again almost straight away, and hastily shoving something into a drawer as he did. 'What would you like? Orange juice? Apple juice? Er, pink milkshake?'

'Pink Milkshake?!' exclaimed Obi-Wan. 'Since when did you (or anyone for that matter) drink pink milkshake!'

'My new Padawan likes it.' Qui-Gon explained. 'I buy it in bulk to keep her happy... here you go.' He set down a large glass of lurid pink frothy stuff in front of Obi-Wan. He nervously tasted it. It reminded him strongly of bubblegum. 'So,' Qui-Gon continued, gulping a mouthful of his own drink, what brings you here at this hour, Obi-Wan?'

'Well, to tell you the truth, I need some assistance. I'm rather worried about the other Jedi with Padawans. You see...' he went on to explain the happenings of the last few nights, explaining how he had first realised that Ki was 'also... doing something similar to me', then finding him spying on another Jedi, who in turn, humiliated another. 'Because you see, master, they each think that they are alone- apart from me- in their bedtime habits, which makes them determined to find someone else to have power over! Something must be done about it!' he finished. Qui-Gon leaned back and closed his eyes briefly.

'This is an unfortunate situation. I understand your dilemma. On the one hand, you could break your word to Ki-Adi-Mundi, and explain everything to everyone, or you could keep your word, but the cycle will continue. Dear, dear. This is a very difficult problem.'

'Yes, but master, what do you think I should _do_?'

Qui-Gon seemed to consider briefly. 'I am sorry, Obi-Wan, but I cannot help you with this one. This problem has clearly been caused by the weakness and deceit of the Jedi involved-

'Excuse me?!'

'-so you must sort it out between yourselves. Try consulting with the force. Anyway, is that the time? Goodness, you should probably be going to bed. I will see you tomorrow!' He got up, draining the last of his milkshake, and ushered Obi-Wan to the door. 'But I really don't see how using the force will help, Master!' the younger Jedi protested.

'You must solve this problem on your own, my old Padawan. No matter of guidance from me will help you. Using the force will be perfect,' replied Qui-Gon, very firmly. 'To discover how to teach your Padawan correctly, you must reach out with your own feelings. Anyway, goodnight!' the door slid rapidly shut. Obi-Wan stood outside, bemused, irritated and totally NOT HELPED. Qui-Gon was being deliberately unhelpful, he decided. He couldn't think why, but his old master was keeping his knowledge of how to put Padawans to sleep from him. Obi-Wan couldn't think why his Qui-Gon would do that, but it was the only option. It was either that or... or...

Obi-Wan reeled backwards, physically struck by the power of his sudden revelation. In that moment, the Force had imparted knowledge directly to him, he was sure of it.

Was it possible that Qui-Gon was being strict and evasive, not because he was concerned but because he was suffering from the same problem himself? All the other Jedi believed that they were alone in their bedtime rituals, and were exposing others to try and shift the blame off themselves. Was the same true of Qui-Gon? What was going on behind that door, that he been rushing to hide when Obi-Wan first came in? The pink milkshake was surely only the tip of the iceberg. He raised his own camcorder, slowly flicking the standby switch, and crept back to his Master's door. He tensed, rocking back on his heels and breathing deeply. Then he flung it wide.

A loud crash echoed from the bedroom as Obi-Wan sprinted across the kitchen. He burst in and stared. Qui-Gon was standing next to an upturned chair, his face frozen in horror and his long hair twisted into a tangle of beribboned braids. His Padawan knelt beside him, hands still raised and full of hairbands. Several dolls lay scattered across the floor, all smothered in spangled frocks in various shades of pink and purple. Obi-Wan dimly recalled the brand from some distant planet or other. _Barbie_.

For a moment they all stood motionless, then Obi-Wan swept the camcorder up and hit the capture button three times in rapid succession.

'NO!' Qui-Gon bellowed, lunging forwards. Obi-Wan took a dive, rolling under his guard and snatching up the nearest Barbie. The Padawan gave a squeak of protest, snatching at its blonde hair. Obi-Wan scrambled to his feet and bolted for the door, aiming the camcorder wildly over his shoulder. Qui-Gon tore at his hair, trying to comb out the braids and ribbon, and dashed off in pursuit. The Padawan brought up the rear, shrieking:

'You stole Republican Senator Barbie! Give her back! Give her back NOW!' Doors were flying open all along the corridor, Masters and Padawans spilling out.

'Come and see!' Obi-Wan cried, barrelling through them all.

'Come to your senses!' Qui-Gon roared.

They turned down Obi-Wan's own corridor.

'Master!' Obi-Wan skidded to a halt and skittered to one side as Anakin appeared directly in front of him, nearly sending the pair of them flying.

'Are you playing Tag without me?' Ani demanded crossly.

'No Anakin! This is a matter of Galactic justice!'

'Oh, cool!' Anakin exclaimed, joining the crowd of Jedi now chasing after Obi-Wan.

* * *

'Hhhhhrrrrrmph.'

Silence.

'HrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRmmph!'

Mace Windu reluctantly looked up from his report. 'Is everything alright, Master Yoda?'

Deep sigh. 'A great disturbance in the force I feel.'

'You mean with the Sith Lord?' Mace enquired eagerly, glad that Yoda was Taking The Situation Seriously at last.

'No, no. Among our own Jedi, it is.'

'Hmmmmm... Yes. Now you mention it, I have been feeling it for the last few days.'

'And now, it seems, a climax reached has been.'

'This is indeed disturbing,' Windu pronounced gravely.

'Naturally.' Yoda looked him straight in the eye. 'It is a disturbance.'

Master Windu took a deep breath, and then slowly let it out. The Master failed to take a Sith Lord seriously, yet he was making silly puns! Not to mention focussing his energies on some Jedi squabble which would sort itself out. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was actually one of the wisest beings in the galaxy, the way he acted!

'Go and check, one of us should,' Yoda remarked, wriggling his toes. Windu waited a moment, then reluctantly stood.

'I must pinpoint where the disturbance –'

'Coming from the youngling's dormitories it is,' Yoda interrupted, settling himself more comfortably on the couch. Mace resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands.

'I will go and investigate this immediately, Master,' he said with an effort.

'Very good,' Yoda said happily. 'Already settled the younglings I have. Hope you do not have to do the dance for them again I do.'

Master Windu did not reply.

***

Obi-Wan burst into the youngling's dormitory, clutching his precious evidence to his chest. He was beginning to flag, but used a last effort to leap onto a vacant bed. Younglings were starting up all around him; one began to cry at the noise, but most of them were silent or giggling.

'Jedi!' Obi-Wan roared. 'You are living a lie!'

'The boy's gone mad!' Qui-Gon shouted.

'All of you think you are alone in your silly bedtime rituals! Well, I ask the elders who started off this chain: HOW ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET OUR PADAWANS TO SLEEP? HOW WOULD THEY LIKE IT IF THE YOUNGLINGS WERE UP ALL HOURS AND EXHAUSTED IN THE MORNINGS? And do they have a better method than us? DO THEY HECK!'

'How dare you!' Ki-Adi Mundi cried from the back.

'Look! See! Behold!' Obi-Wan proclaimed, bouncing up and down on the bed for extra emphasis. 'I have here evidence –'

'No!' Qui-Gon jumped, trying to snatch the doll from his grasp.

'I have evidence!' Obi-Wan ploughed on, 'of our elders' hypocrisy! Is this bedtime frolicking misconduct? If so, we should face it together, not skulk around, shifting blame. And if it isn't, it's about time we were reassured. Oh, I could tell you stories of the Masters that would make your hair curl...'

'You gave me your word!' Ki-Adi howled.

'Qui-Gon himself exposed me to conceal his own bedtime rituals...'

'SHUT UP!' Qui-Gon screamed desperately.

'But I know the truth! I caught him and his Padawan this very night, drinking pink milkshake and playing with –'

WHAM! A pillow, hurled by Qui-Gon, struck him squarely in the face, cutting off his speech with a muffled 'plllff!' An instant later his Master was seized from behind by another Jedi.

'Let the boy speak!' the knight cried.

'He's taken leave of his senses!' Ki-Adi shouted.

'I WILL be heard!' Obi-Wan insisted, plunging forward with the offending pillow clasped to his chest. 'I-'

Ki-Adi seized another pillow and thumped him hard on the head. Obi-Wan returned the blow. One of the younglings gave a whoop. Ki-Adi was restrained by one of the Jedi, but another yelled: 'Disrespectful!' and began pounding both Obi-Wan and his protector with a heaver bolster.

'Obi-Wan, how could you!' Qui-Gon moaned across the crowd of tussling Jedi now separating him.

'You sent me up to cover your own back!' Obi-Wan twisted round to parry a powerful swing from a pillow and put in a few good whacks of his own.

'You accused me when all along you've been _feasting on cakes and fizzy_ –'

'Obi-Wan has a right to make his case! Lay off, lay off!'

'How dare he accuse the elders? How dare he disturb the peace at this hour?'

'Muffin boy!'

'You are blinded by your own lust for power!'

'ARE YOU CALLING ME A SITH LORD, SCUMBAG!'

_What have I done?_ Obi-Wan wondered as the shouts and accusations battered his ears._ What have I started?_ But it was undeniably satisfying to smack the pillow into Ki-Adi's smug face...

* * *

Mace Windu had been pacing sedately towards the younglings' dormitory, but now he broke into a run. From the noises drifting down the corridor, all the ruffians in the galaxy had decided to do battle in that one room. his hand was on his lightsaber, intent on providing whatever protection he could to the younglings. Understand them he might not, but Mace Windu was a man of true and noble spirit, and he was prepared to fight and to die in the defence of the precious younglings.

That he could have handled.

He tore open the door to the dormitory and froze, flabbergasted. Chaos reigned. The room was full of figures grappling and beating at each other with crude white weapons, while all around them younglings screamed on the beds. A white haze hung over everything. Then slowly he realised that the younglings were cheering, not screaming, the weapons were pillows, and the combatants the Jedi knights he knew so well. This must be stopped NOW!

'SIIIIIIILLLLLEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEE!' Mace bellowed. His voice carried over the battle, the thuds and grunts and screams of outrage, and suddenly, shockingly, there was silence.

All the Jedi stood staring at him for a moment, frozen in their various undignified postures, then as one they pulled back and cried:

'HE STARTED IT!'

The young Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi stood in the middle of the circle. In one hand he held a pillow, drawn back for the death blow, in the other a large fistful of Qui-Gon's hair. As Windu approached him he realised what an incriminating position this was and abruptly released both. Qui-Gon fell to the floor, moaning piteously. Obi-Wan glared at him, not fooled.

'Call for stretchers!' Mace Windu barked, still more shaken than he would like to admit. He turned to Obi-Wan, only just managing to keep his temper until he knew the facts. 'Obi-Wan. Is this true, that you started this – Rumpus?'

'No, Master,' Obi-Wan muttered sullenly. 'Qui-Gon threw the first pillow, not me.'

His Fate Was Sealed.

'**GRAMMAR**!' Master Windu roared. 'Not one of you layabouts pays the slightest attention to grammar! I, not me! Laxity is a road to the dark side! Procedure is all that separates us from the wicked forces of chaos! Kenobi, come with me. The rest of you, get this mess cleaned up!'

Obi-Wan followed the Master unhappily out of the room as the other Jedi set to work with mutinous glances. Mace Windu paced up and down a bit, collecting himself, then turned to face Obi-Wan.

'Kenobi, what were you _thinking_? Rushing into the younglings' dormitory and waking them all up?'

'I don't know what made me go there, Master. It was a foolish thing to do.'

'And why did you start a fight?' Windu's patience was fast wearing thin.

'I told you, Master, I_ didn't._'

'But something provoked Qui-Gon!' Windu said triumphantly. 'What?'

'Well...' obi-Wan plunged. 'He caught me singing a lullaby to my Padawan. He advised me strongly against it, but the next morning I found him laughing with the other Jedi about it. Then I found Ki-Adi Mundi doing the same thing, and he went and exposed somebody else, and then I discovered that Master Qui-Gon had been doing it as well, and they were all in denial, so I...'

'You mean to say,' Windu said thunderously, 'that all of you have been _frolicking_ with your Padawans after lights out? Wasting time that could have been given over to contemplation of the Force? Encouraging childish behaviour?'

'They are children, Master –'

'I am shocked and appalled! What hope is there for the Order if our Padawans are being weakened and corrupted? Get back inside!' Windu frogmarched him back into the dormitory and called the Jedi to attention.

'It has come to my notice,' he announced, 'that far from encouraging your Padawans to embrace the path of the Force, all of you have been indulging in silly bedtime pursuits. This must stop! I hereby _forbid _all unstructured interactions after lights out. Masters and Padawans will spend no more than fifteen minutes learning a section of the Jedi code and meditating on the Force at bedtime. No exceptions. I will be conducting checks and testing the children's' retention every morning.' He turned to the younglings, who were now huddled in stunned silence. 'I don't care what Master Yoda has lead you to expect,' he said. 'He may do as he pleases. But when you become Padawans you are expected to work. Now all of you, go to sleep!' With that, Mace Windu strode from the dormitory, leaving a horrified silence in his wake.

One of the younglings gave a sob. The others began to wriggle under their sheets with furious hisses.

'Oh well, done, muffin-boy,' one of the Jedi snapped, leading his Padawan away by the wrist.

'The song never mentioned muffins,' Obi-Wan muttered as his colleagues filed silently past him. By the Force, what a mess! He had intended to make life easier for all the Jedi, not put an end to all the Padawans' fun. He felt a slight tug on his sleeve as a very subdued looking Anakin took his hand. They walked back to his room in silence.

'What will happen now, Master?' Ani asked as Obi-Wan tucked him in.

'Oh Anakin, it's not the end of the world,' he sighed. 'Maybe we'll have to put the lid on the songs.' He tried for a reassuring smile. 'But I will still be here, alright?' He embraced the boy briefly and then went back into the corridor. What in the World was he going to do now? Obi-Wan paced up and down for a while, and before long he came to a conclusion...

He was going to have to have that chat with Master Yoda.

**A/N: Sorry about the slight unhappiness and lack of comedy in the last bit of this chapter. More lols to come, we promise! Also, we have decided that this story is only going to be a short story, not, like, a saga, with loads of chapters. Keep reading, and please, any reviews are more than welcome! ******


	4. A Chat With Yoda

**Disclaimer: The usual, Jeeves.**

**Note: The phrase 'procedure is all that separates us from the wicked forces of chaos' and 'Meeeaaawwwwsccccrrrruuuuunch' are from The Buzz Lightyear Movie and Olga da Polga respectively. Watch/read these, they are awesome!!!**

**Anyways...**

**Four**

The prospect of speaking to Yoda looked no less sensible and no more attractive in the cold light of morning. Obi-Wan knew that a great deal of his reluctance was due to the fact that Master Yoda would probably just reiterate what Mace Windu had said, and then the orders would be set in stone. He dressed despondently and set off for the canteen, wondering whether he should consult Yoda on the matter in public or ask to speak to him later. Probably it was better to keep the discussion low profile.

However, Yoda was not at breakfast. Obi-Wan circled the room twice – it was very easy to miss the Master in a crowd, especially when he decided to simply walk under the furniture rather than taking the normal routes – but by the end he was convinced that Yoda was not there. He threw down a perfunctory breakfast without much appetite, then set off for his Master's office.

However, that was also empty. Obi-Wan knocked twice and even dared to peer round the door, but he saw neither hide nor hair of the green alien. He stopped a teenage Padawan hurrying past the door.

'Excuse me, have you seen Master Yoda?'

'Not for about half an hour,' the youth informed him. 'He was heading for the Jedi offices.'

Increasingly puzzled, Obi-Wan made his way back to the Jedi quarters. He swept up and down the corridors but found no-one. Finally he decided to return to his own office, but as he set his hand on the door knob he paused, frowning. A very curious noise was coming from inside.

Meeeaaawwwwsccccrrrruuuuunch.

Whatever could that be? He inclined his head, listening closely.

MEEEEAAAAAAWWWWWSSSCCRRRREEEEEUNCH.'

Swallowing slightly, Obi-Wan pushed the door open and entered. To his surprise he saw Yoda, sitting on his desk with his back to Obi-Wan. A faint rustling noise was coming from his mouth, and he gave occasional little chuntering sounds, his jaw moving up and down as though he were chewing.

'Master?' Obi-Wan called. Yoda did not turn.

'Master, I was looking for you, as it happens. I searched for you at breakfast, but you weren't there. Weren't you...hungry...?'

He tailed off as Master Yoda wriggled round to face him. Little bits of paper were sticking out of the corners of his mouth.

'Ate your paperwork I did,' he said in sprightly tones. 'Scrumptious it was.'

Obi-Wan moaned and staggered backwards onto the sofa, burying his face in his hands. It was all too much. The Padawans, the contempt of his fellow Jedi, and now..._this_.

He couldn't even find it in himself to be angry with the Master. Did this mean he had finally achieved unity with the Force? Was this what it felt like? And even if he had been angry, what could he say to Yoda? The alien was the wisest being in existence, the head of the Jedi Order. If he wanted to eat official documents, who was Obi-Wan to deny him?

'I can't take it anymore,' he announced, his face in his hands. 'I just can't.'

He didn't know what response he expected, but after a moment he heard the tapping of Yoda's stick on the floor, followed by a slight grunt and a bounce of the sofa as the Jedi clambered up next to him.

'Can't take it anymore, you say?' he mused. 'Serious that is. Serious indeed. What could have caused it?'

'You already know, Master,' Obi-Wan answered hopelessly.

'Events I have heard of, emotions I have felt. To understand them, and to help you, hear your perspective I must.'

Obi-Wan related without pause everything that had happened, starting with the night Mace Windu had been puzzled by his thoughts in the younglings' dormitory. He omitted nothing, even reciting the lyrics of his lullabies. It felt good to get everything off his chest, and he understood why the little alien had made him talk.

'So know,' Yoda mused, 'sorrowful, guilty, confused you feel. Clouded your feelings are. Why so strongly do you feel?'

'I thought...' Obi-Wan explained, 'I thought when I told all the Jedi I would be making life happier for everyone.'

'Joy for others you seek. Essential to a Jedi,' Yoda put in.

'But Master, that is where I am conflicted. I aimed to make the Jedi feel easier about letting their Padawans have some fun, but that was wrong. Master Windu forbade it, and he must know...'

'Hmmmm,' Yoda sighed, frowning deeply. 'Powerful and wise Mace Windu is, and strong with the force. Knowledge of both Light and Dark he has. But there is another side to the Force, a side of which he has no understanding.'

Obi-Wan stared at him in despair. 'There's _another_ side?' he cried.

'Yes. Mysterious this side is, not a weapon, but instinctual, essential to life. It is...' Yoda gazed into Obi-Wan's face, his ears rising up as he spoke, '_the funny side_.'

'The funny side?' Obi-Wan echoed incredulously.

'Yes, yes, Obi-Wan. Need to laugh we do, and present in all things the Force is. That concerned with the Force humour is, amazed do not be.'

'Then Master,' Obi-Wan said hesitantly, a smile beginning to dawn on his face, 'am I to understand that you...condone this bedtime frolicking?'

'Seen me dance for the younglings you have,' Yoda said, hopping off the sofa. 'Always on one's dignity one cannot be.' He turned and smiled. 'Condone it I do. Grow up all in a moment a Padawan does not. Slow. Steady and natural, the teaching should be. Hmmph. HrrrrMMMph!' He began to hobble towards the door, and Obi-Wan stood to hold it for him. 'A picnic the Jedi and their Padawans should have,' Yoda remarked. 'A day off training let them take.'

'Thank you, Master, I will send word at once,' Obi-Wan promised, his heart singing.

'Oh, and by the way,' the Master said, glancing back, 'the paperwork I ate. Fret do not. The four extra copies of your report it was. Got rid of them I have.' He gave a nod of satisfaction and disappeared down the corridor. Obi-Wan sank back on to the sofa, too weak with relief to stand. No miserable Padawans. No endless nights of recitation (which, personally, Obi-Wan did not rate very highly as a learning aid. Anakin was more of a musical learner). And _no more being called muffin boy!_ He laughed out loud as he bounded out of his office and along to Anakin's room. That name was so ridiculously inaccurate, anyway.

He decided to have Anakin (who was excited to the point of delirium by the prospect of a picnic) deliver the message to the other Padawans, and let the other Jedi come to him for confirmation when they heard. He didn't feel quite ready to go around knocking on his fellows' doors yet. He impressed upon Anakin to make sure the Padawans told their Masters immediately; he didn't want anyone to miss out on the fun.

As he was searching through his robes for something that would not hamper him should Anakin decide to drag him through any shrubbery, a knock came at the door. Obi-Wan was puzzled by the tenor of the emotions conveyed in the Force; he could feel trepidation, anxiety, even shame. Puzzled, he pulled his head out of the closet and called:

'Come in!'

Qui-Gon Jinn entered the room. His hands were clasped in front of him and his head slightly bowed, and he hesitated before speaking.

'Obi-Wan,' he said slowly, '...I have wronged you. I started off this chain of events to save my own face, and I am sorry for that. You are the only one who has behaved with honour throughout this affair. My only comfort is to see you, my pupil, fare better than me. Than I.'

'I understand, Master,' Obi-Wan said, and found that it was the truth. 'You had your reputation to keep up.'

'And yours will not need keeping up after this,' Qui-Gon returned with a small smile. 'I am proud of you, my old Padawan.'

'I just hope my apprentice turns out as noble and selfless as me,' Obi-Wan grinned, plunging bravely back into the wardrobe. 'He will be thoroughly spoilt under Master Yoda's new regime.'

'I don't know how I am going to curb my own Padawan now that the cloak-and-dagger aspect of bedtime entertainment has been lost. I've been trying to cut down on her milkshake intake...'

'That sounds like an _extremely_ good idea,' obi-Wan said with a grimace. The memory was still horribly vivid.

'After a while you find that you need it just to keep running,' Qui-Gon sighed. 'Wonderful source of quick release energy, that milkshake.'

'it sounds to me like a vicious circle. The more she drinks the more energy she has, the more you need to drink to keep up, the more you buy, and so it goes.'

They passed the time until the picnic in happy conversation while Obi-Wan flailed about in the wardrobe, with Qui-Gon making useless suggestions and statements.

'I don't see that it really matters what it looks like,' he commented. Obi-Wan snorted, resurfacing.

'It's not what it _looks_ like, it's merely that I can't find anything that will stand being dragged through a hedge by Anakin! Or allow the needed agility to catch him in a large open area, after several fizzy drinks!'

'Pff. There must be something! You're just being picky! A true Jedi does not care about his personal appearance... within reason...' Qui-Gon got up, and began emptying Obi-Wan's wardrobe, throwing clothes out behind him. ' How many long, brown cloaks do you need? There's hardly anything else... No, no, possible, quite good, no way! Oh sorry, Obi-Wan, did that tunic hit you? Ah well... this wardrobe has nothing in it anyway... hey, what's in this cupboard?'

'NO!' roared Obi-Wan, but it was too late. Qui-Gon had already opened the cupboard, stared for a second at the contents, then doubled over with laughter. The younger Jedi flushed tomato red. This was exactly the reason he had never told Qui-Gon about his secret hobby – playing the Acoustic guitar. Encrusted with stickers, covered in random phrases, scratches and dents, untouched since he was 17, his guitar had been unknown to anyone until then. Qui-Gon, having recovered, turned to look at Obi-Wan. 'Can you play it, then?'

'Well, I could, but it's been years, and...'

'Nonsense! You never forget something like that after you've learnt it once! Take the thing to the picnic! Oh, come on, Obi-Wan! It will be a laugh! Besides, I thought we were past all of the secrecy now!'

'I suppose so.' Obi-Wan sighed, picking up the guitar and stuffing it into its case, then retiring to the bathroom to change. Qui-Gon, still chuckling, stood the guitar in one corner of the room. Presently his Padawan came trotting in, with a curious look at the guitar, and offered the two Jedi a Fizzy Kouhun. It seemed churlish for Obi-Wan not to accept it.

At three o'clock Anakin came bounding into the room, not bothering to knock. He was clearly hyper, and Obi-Wan was glad that he had chosen something easy to run in – it looked like he was going to need it.

'Everybody's all ready, Master!' he announced, bouncing happily on the spot. Then he caught sight of Qui-Gon's Padawan and stopped, staring at the girl for a full ten seconds, while she looked frostily back. 'What is _that_?' he demanded eventually, pointing at the girl.

'An angel from the Outer Rim, perhaps?' Obi-Wan suggested. Anakin missed the sarcasm.

'Nah, that's not an angel,' he decided scornfully. 'That's just a _girl_.'

'Stop it, both of you!' Qui-Gon ordered, scowling. He stood protectively in front of his Padawan. 'Are we going on this picnic or what?'

* * *

The large chattering crowd of younglings, Padawans and Jedi knights made its way down the corridors of the Jedi temple. Younglings were leaping around asking questions, Padawans running ahead, and the Jedi pacing along behind, smiling and chatting. There were wicker baskets. There were gingham rugs. There was a cute, tiny green alien. To most people it would have seemed a pleasant sight.

But not to Mace Windu.

For a moment he was struck dumb with sheer astonishment. His mind spun as he wondered what to do. Leap out shouting? Then he composed himself and moved slowly into their path, so that he was silhouetted against the light from the open doorway. There was always a time and a place for the theatrical approach. He _would_ put a stop to this.

'Jedi!' he called. 'What is the meaning of this? Of these hampers of sugary food, this feckless behaviour? Who started this?'

There was a pause, then Obi-Wan swallowed and announced:

'I did, Master.'

'Obi-Wan Kenobi, only last night I spoke to you about letting Padawans run wild. I expressedly forbade non-improving interactions.'

'You never forbade picnics, Master.'

'A Jedi obeys the spirit of the Law. Obi-Wan, surely you must see that you are all neglecting the Force!'

'No, Master, No!' Suddenly Obi-Wan's eyes were blazing with emotion. 'On the contrary, we are embarking on a journey to better_ understand_ the Force! We are learning to connect with the Funny side, not through meditation but through words and deeds –'

'The Funny side?' Windu echoed. For a moment he was moved by the conviction on the young Jedi's face, but then he recalled himself.

'What do you mean by 'the Funny side'?' he demanded. 'Now is not the time to be presenting new theorems, Kenobi, especially something as far-fetched and self-indulgent as this; I sense that the Sith are drawing closer! Now take your Padawans back inside...'

There was a shuffling at the forefront of the crowd. People were parting, moving to the side, looking down. Mace Windu Master Windu followed their gaze, and saw, to his shock, at the forefront of crowd...Master Yoda emerging, leaning heavily on his stick. There was a hush as the onlooking Jedi waited to see what he would say.

'Master Windu, an objection do you have?' Yoda enquired.

Shocked, annoyed, and to be honest, at the end of his patience, Mace replied.

'Yes, Master. I have not been wholly frank with you. To tell the truth, I object to your dancing, I object to pillow fights, and I certainly object to carrying on with nursery rhymes and picnics after the Padawan age!'

'Object to my dancing you do?' Yoda repeated, frowning slightly. 'Worrying needlessly you are. For nine hundred years have I trained Jedi, and never any harm did it do them.'

'It scarred Dooku for life,' Mace Windu said flatly.

'Hmmph.' Yoda could not deny this. 'Never any sense of humour did that man have,' he said, waving a hand dismissively.

Suddenly both Masters stiffened. Obi-Wan felt it too: a sickening, lurching disturbance in the Force as some fell being passed into range.

'_That is not the point!_' Mace Windu exploded. 'Don't you think the Sith would laugh if they could see us now? Imagine how Darth Sidious must be gloating, knowing that we are doing his work for him, weakening our own Order while he trains his apprentice to be more powerful than any of us! Do you think he wastes time indulging childish whims in his pupils? No! He is hard and stern as steel, and so must we be!' He gave a great shudder and passed a hand over his face as another tremor shook the Force. 'THERE IS A SITH LORD IN THE BUILDING!'

Most Jedi begin training when they are not even two years old. They are taught not to have attachments, not to panic, and not to fear – except one thing. Sith. From the very beginning of their career, it is imposed that the Sith are not to be taken lightly, and should be regarded as the greatest threat of all. Because of this, every person present fully acknowledged the seriousness of the situation, and looked immediately to their master's lead.

There was deathly silence. Obi-Wan felt Ani shaking as he clutched his Master's hand. Then Yoda spoke.

'Think we shall have to postpone the picnic, I do.'

**DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAA!**


	5. Silent Night

**Disclaimer: Despite 5 letters to both Santa and the Easter Bunny, the rights for Star Wars have still not come down the chimney/in the post. **

**Author's Note: Obi-Wannabee759, thank you for the LOL-inducing idea he had for this chapter - the Ewok one! 'Ooooh! What Ewok idea!?' You ask. Well, you had better read... and find out! ;-) **

**Five**

The Jedi walked their Padawans swiftly and silently back to their rooms, ensuring that no pair walked alone. Several knights were assigned to guard the children, and then the rest assembled down in the entrance hall, before the Masters.

'Located the Sith Lord I have,' Yoda told them. 'In one of the courtyards he is. Head there we shall.'

'It seems that our worst fears have been confirmed,' Master Windu said. 'Either he is here on an assassination mission, or the Dark Lord of the Sith has been among us all along. A Senator, or a fallen Jedi.'

'Follow me now.' Yoda began to make his way down the corridor. 'Vigilant be. An ambush we must be prepared for.'

Warily and with light sabres to hand the group of Jedi began to make their way through the temple. Nobody spoke. Obi-Wan could almost taste the tension in the air. He focussed, trying to calm himself and feel what the Force might have to tell him. Qui-Gon glanced his way, silently reassuring him. Surely a Jedi force this size could not fail.

They reached the central courtyard and stepped out into the open air. Mace Windu flung out an arm, motioning his followers back into the shadows, and peered forward. Through the haze of water thrown up by the fountain Obi-Wan glimpsed a dark form. The creature turned its head, and Obi-Wan recognised with a thrill of fear the yellow eyes and tattooed visage of Darth Maul, the Sith he and Qui-Gon had battled on the Separatist space station. He had reached his Master in time to save him from his wound, but while he worked Maul had escaped. Obi-Wan knew that there were those who criticised him for prioritising his Master's life. He tightened his grip on his light sabre. This time he would not fail.

Darth Maul was still unaware of their presence. Moving like some nightmarish beast of prey he stalked across the courtyard, disappearing through an arch on the far side.

'Heading for the Senate he is,' Yoda breathed. His voice was so quiet that Obi-Wan scarcely knew whether he heard it or felt it in the Force. Moving two by two now, the Jedi crossed the courtyard and passed through the archway. As they entered the long corridor Obi-Wan caught a glimpse of the Dark lord, the hem of his tunic just flicking around the corner.

'Quickly, don't lose him!' Windu hissed, half-jogging down the corridor. 'Steady! Quiet! Stop at the corner, don't let him see you.'

'Shall we attack, Master?' Ki-Adi asked.

'No.' Windu shook his head. 'I want to see where he is heading.'

Yoda nodded his agreement. 'To uncover the Dark Lord of the Sith, our chance this may be.'

Time seemed to halt as they pursued Darth Maul through the dim, splendid corridors of the Senate. The footsteps and breathing of his fellow Jedi lulled Obi-Wan into an almost trance-like state, but he knew he couldn't afford to let his senses be dulled. Mace Windu's instructions came sharply and without warning, and to obey too late could mean death for them all. Instead, he tried to use the hypnotic sounds to grow closer to the Force. It worked. He found the entire building laid open to his senses; he could anticipate the Masters' orders, sense every living thing in the building, almost see the movements of Darth Maul, though the Sith was often out of his sight. But his purpose was shrouded in darkness. His presence was sickening, and Obi-Wan instinctively shied away from it, unable to penetrate his mind and feelings. He was glad of the steadying presence of his Master Qui-Gon beside him; at times it was all that kept the horror from overwhelming him.

Mace Windu signalled a halt, and as one the Jedi stopped, having foreseen the order. Obi-Wan felt himself to be almost part of one organism, many minds linked through the Force. Slowly the line moved round the corridor and fanned out. They had reached a dead end. A large, ornate door blocked the way, and the Sith's presence still lingered in the air. He had obviously passed through seconds before. The Jedi formed an arc across the width of the corridor, awaiting the command of the Masters who stood before them. Obi-Wan found himself at the back. He stood on tip-toe, peering over the heads of his colleagues to try and see what Mace Windu would do next.

'Master!'

Obi-Wan forced his knuckles into his mouth to stop himself from screaming as his Padawan's voice sounded beside him. Swiftly he seized Anakin and muffled him in his cloak, then crouched down to his level and whispered directly in his ear.

'Anakin, what are you doing here? You're going to get us all killed.'

'I wanted to come and help,' Ani muttered obstinately.

'_Help?_ Anakin, the best way for you to help would have been to stay with the other Padawans!'

'We're going to enter the room quietly,' Mace Windu called from the front. ' This is the Chancellor's main apartment; it's a long, large room with plenty of cover. Use the Force for concealment, hide behind the furniture, and attack when I give the word. What's going on back there?'

'It's a Padawan, Master!' somebody answered.

'I – Obi-Wan!' Windu spluttered as Obi-Wan and Anakin were pushed to the front.

'He followed us, Master, he must have given the others the slip,' Obi-Wan said hopelessly.

'Well, you must send him back,' Windu ordered, drawing his lightsaber.

'But Master, what if Maul is not alone? What if someone finds Ani out here on his own?'

'You'll have to take him in with us then,' Mace decided quickly. 'Make sure you keep him behind you, and for the love of the Force,_ keep him quiet_!'

He turned and eased the door open. One by one the Jedi slipped inside and took cover behind the various shelves, desks and potted plants that filled the near side of the room. Obi-Wan crouched behind a bench, secured Anakin in a vice-like grip and peered over the top, taking in the rest of the room.

Through the floor to ceiling windows lining the western wall a magnificent sunset was glowing, turning the deep red carpet redder still. Chancellor Palpatine stood in the middle of the room, reading a leather-bound book by its light. As Darth Maul hurried towards him he glanced up, but his face showed no surprise.

'The light is fading,' he observed softly. Darth Maul made no reply, because, as Obi-Wan recalled, he never spoke if he could help it.

'It is time you were going to bed,' Palpatine continued, his voice firm. 'You need your rest.'

'Yes Master,' Darth Maul said, bowing his head obediently. He moved to the far end of the room, which was furnished as a bedchamber with a magnificent four-poster bed. At the foot of the bed was a large cradle, spread with a smooth white counterpane. Darth Maul sprang in and settled himself beneath the sheets. The cradle rocked slowly for a while, then was still.

Palpatine continued to stand at the window, gazing out over Corusant. Obi-Wan wondered why Mace Windu or Yoda did not order the attack; his legs were going to sleep.

After some time Palpatine spoke again. 'So, you are not tired, my apprentice?' _(He's the Dark lord of_ _the Sith!_ Obi-Wan thought wildly, but somehow he could not seem to break the spell that had fallen over himself and the other Jedi) 'I sense much unrest in you tonight.'

'You are perceptive and wise as always, Master,' Darth Maul agreed from the cradle. There was a pause. 'I think I might sleep easier if you would...sing to me.'

_WHAT?! _The same thought came from every other Jedi in the room. It was astonishing that Darth Sidious hadn't sensed it.

'Very well,' Palpatine sighed. How many times had Obi-Wan given in in this way to Anakin's wishes? He began to rock the cradle gently. 'Rockabye Maul-y in the tree-top, Ewoks of Endor are watching him drop, when the bough breaks, then Maul-y will fall, what a silly place to put Darth Maul.'

_You know, _thought Obi-Wan randomly, _I think my voice is better..._

'Master!' Darth Maul whined, disgruntled, sitting up in bed. 'I wanted the other one.'

_And to think I was embarrassed about that Milkshake! _Qui-Gon spluttered mentally.

'Siiiiiilent niiiiight,' Palpatine began to warble. 'Hoooooolllly niiiiiiight. Aaaaaall is caaaaalm, aaaaal is brrrrrriiiiiiight...sleeeeep in Gaaaaalactic peeeeeaaaace...'

It seemed to Obi-Wan that he would rather lose all powers of sight or hearing, than have to watch _this_. Embarrassment, incredulity and discomfort made him physically cringe. He forgot everything around him, riveted to the horrifying – yet somehow amusing – spectacle, until a choke drew his attention to Master Windu.

Mace's face had gone the same colour as his light sabre. 'It's not possible... it's too disturbing...' he whispered, and then passed out from shock. Obi-Wan stared at him with surprise, and in doing so loosened his hold on Anakin...

'He's _singing_!' Anakin cried with the flawless perception of the young, leaping blithely to his feet. 'Look Master Obi-Wan, he's singing to his Padawan too! He doesn't sing as well as you though. He sounds like an idiot! Do you think he –'

'Really? I sing well? I always thought I might have a musical calling!' Obi-Wan was momentarily pleased, but then remembered the seriousness of the situation. 'Wait! Anakin! Get DOWN!' He hissed, tackling Ani to the ground. But the damage was done. A splutter sounded from the Knight next to him, then the one next to that Knight, as all the Jedi began to see how funny the situation was...

'Pffffff...'

'Teehee...'

'Hehehe...'

'HA HA HA!'And then, as one, the Jedi force collapsed into full, unstoppable laughter, clinging to various pieces of furniture for support, tears running down their cheeks. (Except for Mace, who was still mercifully unconscious). Palpatine – revealed as Darth Sidious – whirled around, and Maul leapt from his cradle, but the sight of his imposing figure, so recently stripped of all dignity, merely sent the Jedi into further paroxysms of mirth.

'Master Windu is unconscious!' Ki-Adi-Mundi cried. 'Quick, somebody resuscitate him, or, or something!'

However, nobody paid him any attention. Something very odd appeared to be happening to Chancellor Palpatine. His face turned white, then crimson, then purple, then blue. He stared in horror at Master Yoda, who stood, smiling beatifically up at him, in front of his band of laughing Jedi – all laughing at him!

Who knows? Maybe if Palpatine had been able to see the funny side of the situation, and laugh along with them, he could have brazened everything out and continued his rise to power? But he couldn't see the funny side. For him, it was unbearable.

But then, Sith Lords aren't usually noted for their senses of humour.

He opened and closed his mouth, but no sound came out. He looked so mortified, so totally and completely embarrassed, that Obi-Wan, reminded of the moment that Qui-Gon had found him singing to Anakin, almost felt sorry for him. (But not quite.)Then he crumpled downwards, there was a loud BANG-sqqquueak! A spurt of Dark Energy, and the Supreme Chancellor was gone.

He had spontaneously imploded from shame.

Unsurprisingly, considering.

**A/N: Did you like it? If you laughed, please tell us! You will by now have seen what Obi-Wannabee's Ewok joke was. If you missed it, read the chapter again! Who would have thought the Sith would do such a thing? Certainly not Mace! (ch.3)**

**By the way, this is not the last chapter of the story. 'What more is there?' You ask. Wait and see! (2 more chapters still!) Thank you for reading! :D **

**True Colours and Essence of Gold**


	6. Appendices

Up until that point, the Jedi had been absolutely helpless with laughter, but the explosion evoked something of a stunned silence. Then Yoda tapped forwards and began to poke the slightly charred patch of carpet where Palpatine had stood with his stick.

'Hmph,' he said. 'Obliterated by the Funny Side he has been.' The Jedi began to chuckle and snigger once again.

'Master Windu!' Ki-Adi wailed. 'CPR, somebody!'

'Yes sir!' Darth Maul exclaimed, bounding forwards (unlike most of the Jedi present, he knew the meaning of discipline). Mace Windu shot upright.

'GET AWAY FROM ME!' he shrieked wildly, flinging his hands up in front of his face. 'I – I – by the Force...'

Yoda stepped forwards and felt his forehead. 'Seems, it does, that some sensitivity to the funny side you do have. Just as well, otherwise ended up like poor dear Palpatine you might have.'

'"Poor dear Palpatine" ?' Ki-Adi repeated incredulously. 'Master, that man was a Sith Lord.'

'Dead he is,' Yoda said. 'Charitable we can afford to be. Now, if escort Master Windu to his apartments somebody would, inform the Padawans of our safety and reschedule the picnic, the rest of us can.'

**Appendices**

**A/N: These are the bits at the end of the story that you might want to know. Or not. It depends on whether you liked the story. Basically, they explain what happened next. **

What happened to Darth Maul:

As you may know, Darth Maul was not really that evil, just slightly brainwashed and not that clever. He might have been a Jedi, if Darth Sidious hadn't got to him first. He stood around like a lemon (quite a feat for someone who is primarily red and black), until someone shouted 'What shall we do with the other Sith?' The ever-merciful Yoda ordered him to be conducted to a comfortable apartment and watched. He is now being slowly rehabilitated into society.

What the Jedi did next (After they had stopped laughing):

The Jedi rushed back to the temple in no semblance of order, occasionally bursting into random spurts of laughter which set everyone off. At one point Qui-Gon fell to his knees, clutching at a stitch in his side, and declared that he could not go on, he was about to faint. He was kicked and bullied to his feet by his faithful and longsuffering Padawan (AKA Obi-Wan) while the other Jedi yelled at him to get a grip. When they arrived back at the dormitories Padawans were joyously greeted and told the whole story (Qui-Gon's retelling, once he had got properly over his laughter, was far and away the best) and promised many nights of romping to come, all in aid of drawing closer to the Funny side. In the midst of it all Anakin and Obi-Wan were a little unsure what to do with themselves.

'You see, Anakin,' Obi-Wan said sternly. 'If you had obeyed me and stayed here we should be taking part in this joyful reunion now, rather than standing around like spare parts.'

'But I wouldn't have _seen_ it,' Anakin responded. 'And you would still be worrying that you sang as badly as Old Palpy. So.'

What happened to Mace Windu:

Mace Windu suffered no ill effects from his collapse, but demanded to be left alone to contemplate the Force and did not emerge from his room for almost a full day. At the end of that time hecame to Yoda and said tentatively that he would like to take part in the picnic after all...

**A/N: This is the second-last chapter. The last chapter (the epilogue), will be out on Tue or Wed. So We'd just like to say a big thankyou to all those lovely people who reviewed us, especcially Pronker, Xenagrl321, Magical Mistress Sarai and Jedigal125. Thanks! :D **


	7. Epilogue: The Picnic

**A/N:This is the last chapter of Jedi Lullabies. Me and True Colours have really enjoyed writing this short but sweet (pun intended) crack-fic, and we went a little mad in this chapter AS YOU WILL SEE. Thankyou again if you reviewed, and please review now if you haven't! I'm aiming for 50 reviews (Well, I can dream), so the story may be reposted a few times. I think, if you are wondering, in this Universe Anakin never did become Darth Vader. I just can't imagine it happening anymore.  
Anyway, thankyou for your attention and reading, fellow fanfictioners, and enjoy! =)**

**Epilogue: The Picnic**

It was high summer in the Northern Hemisphere of Naboo, and the air of the green meadows was sweet and balmy. The Jedi Masters and their Padawans had taken a shuttle from Coruscant that morning, and arrived just in time for lunch.

'Baggsie sit under that tree!' Anakin yelled, pulling Obi-Wan through some shrubbery, across a stream and over a low hedge to claim what he considered to be the 'best' spot. To Obi-Wan it looked just like every other patch of grass for a mile around, but if Anakin thought it was special who was he to argue?

His outer robe was wet, but Qui-Gon had had a stroke of genius and advised him to wear waterproof footwear, and the guitar on his back was still intact.

As Obi-Wan flopped down weakly on the grass (he was still recovering from the shuttle ride and his cross-country run) Qui-Gon walked over with his Padawan and set down his picnic hamper beside Obi-Wan's.

'Glass of milkshake, my old Padawan?' he asked with a grin.

'Oh, yes please,' Obi-Wan said gratefully, sitting up and accepting the proffered drink. It was even pinker than he had remembered it. He took a long gulp. 'Ah, that's better.' Another gulp. 'Better...' A small sip. 'I still say it is absolutely revolting.'

'As do I,' Qui-Gon agreed, 'but how else are we supposed to keep up with them?' He looked fondly at his Padawan, who was skipping in aimless circles a short distance away. 'Besides,' he took a mouthful and grimaced – 'I have to get rid of it somehow, now that my Padawan's going off it...Anakin, will you have some?'

Ani paused his game to eye the milkshake suspiciously. 'It's _pink_,' he pointed out, wrinkling his nose. 'Pink stuff's for _girls_! Hmmmm...' he stared at the drink thoughtfully for a moment, then rushed off, returning with some unnaturally blue cordial. He poured it into the bottle, and shook the concoction enthusiastically. The milkshake turned a sickly mauve. 'Just needs a bit of...' he upended the Worcester sauce into it. The poor milkshake turned purplish black. 'Perfect!'

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' Obi-Wan commented, involuntarily shrinking away from the drink – if it could now be called that. 'You're not going to drink that, are you Ani? It looks poisonous!' Without further ado, Anakin drank it, smacking his lips. Obi-Wan winced.

'Are you making potions?' Qui-Gon's Padawan asked with interest, appearing at Anakin's elbow.

'Yeah, and I bet you can't make one as good as mine.'

'Can too.'

'Can't!'

'Can! Watch!'She shook a sachet of pepper into her lemonade, which fizzed up impressively and turned cloudy beige. 'I dare you to drink it.' She taunted.

'You drink it!'

'I bet you can't!'

'Can!'

'Can't!'

'Can!' Anakin seized the cup from her and drained it triumphantly to the dregs. His eyes widened, and he doubled over, clutching the beaker to his chest.

'Well?' Qui-Gon's Padawan asked, disgruntled.

'It's nice,' Anakin said when he could speak again, 'but nowhere near as good as mine!'

The girl's eyes flashed angrily. 'It was!'

'Wasn't!'

'WAS!'

'WASN'T!'

Obi-Wan moaned and covered his ears. Anakin noticed him and Qui-Gon, and was struck with inspiration. 'Hey, let's get the Grown-Ups to judge!'

'NO!' Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan bellowed together.

'Go and bother – I mean ask - the other Padawans, if they can bear it. And take the rest of the milkshake with you!' Qui-Gon said firmly, thrusting the bottle at them. The two Padawans zoomed off down the slope, still arguing. Both the Masters sighed in relief. 'And now,' Qui-Gon said, leaning back and closing his eyes, 'I can afford to relax for a bit.'

Obi-Wan sat with his arms around his knees, taking in the scene. Masters and Padawans lay sprawled on the grass all across the sloping meadow, talking and eating. Master Yoda was sitting in a patch of sunshine, munching on a stick of something green, the picture of contentment. Master Windu stood among a group of the older Padawans, a long stick in his hand, demonstrating lightsaber tactics. The man was a good teacher, Obi-Wan reflected, that was for certain. He watched as the Master handed the stick to one of the boys, correcting his position, taking him through the move again and again. Obi-Wan hoped that he would always have the strength to be that patient with Anakin. He felt certain that the boy was destined for great things.

A loud squeal made him turn and look back down the hill, to where the younger Padawans were playing. Three of them – by the Force, how much of that milkshake had they drunk? – had rushed over to where Darth Maul was brooding in the shadow of a tree (as his anti-brainwashing therapy was coming along so well, he had been allowed on the Picnic)and were pulling him towards the rest of the group. Obi-Wan watched, tensed, but the Sith showed no signs of attacking. Luckily, the Padawans had tired of making potions. He didn't know if even a Zabrak could bear that. Anakin ran forward, a bat in his outstretched hand, and offered it to Maul (for what Picnic would be complete without a game of rounders?), while the rest of the children spread out into a circle. Qui-Gon's Padawan produced a ball and lobbed it towards the batsman. Maul swung the bat round and hit the ball far into the sky, triggering a round of whoops from the Padawans. Obi-Wan watched the ball's progress, then reached out with the Force, nudging it gently earthwards before it could disappear into the woods and be lost forever. Qui-Gon opened one eye and glanced at him, smiling his approval – they both knew that if the ball got lost, they would be the ones who would have to go and search for it.

The afternoon wore on, and some of the Jedi began to build a bonfire to roast dinner on. Obi-Wan got up and meandered up the hill towards Masters Windu and Yoda, who were deep in discussion. As he approached, one of the small Padawans ran over and seized Mace Windu's hand, pulling him over towards the ball game. Mace's face was priceless. He protested until the last moment, but then, when sheer numbers defeated him, he hit the ball almost further than the eye could see. The Padawans' cheering echoed around the field.

'Ah, Obi-Wan,' Yoda smiled, turning and catching sight of the young Jedi. 'Wondering if I might see you I was. Enjoying yourself are you?'

'Yes, Master, very much.'

He sat down on the grass beside the Master, looking down at the rest of the Jedi spread out below them on the hill.

'Something on your mind you have,' Yoda said.

'Yes Master.' Obi-Wan took a breath. 'I was wondering about...about the Funny side. How is it that it hasn't been discovered or taught before now? Surely someone ought to have known?'

'Hmmmm,' Yoda sat down too, settling himself carefully on the grass. 'A very mysterious thing, the power of laughter is. Think about it in the same terms as Light or Dark, you cannot. An instinctual thing it is, and not a weapon, though powerful it can be; and destroy you it can, if understand it you do not. A path to both Light and Dark it is. To be flippant and careless, a road to corruption is, but essential to a Jedi joy and laughter are.' Yoda paused. 'Understand this is your heart you do, Obi-Wan,' he said softly. 'Proud of you I am.'

* * *

The Jedi had eaten their large dinner, twilight was stealing on, and the fire was a bright spark on the dark slope below. The teenage Padawans were still playing ball with Mace Windu and Darth Maul, but many of the younger ones had curled up under a spreading tree, having eaten far too much, and some were almost asleep. Obi-Wan walked back to his own camp, where Qui-Gon was still snoozing amid the remains of the picnic, and reached hesitantly for his guitar. Qui-Gon's eyes opened and watched him with interest.

Obi-Wan went and sat down with his back to the Padawans' tree, and began to tune the guitar. Anakin crawled over and settled himself beside his Master.

'Are you going to sing to us now?' he murmured sleepily. He had won without dispute the burger-eating contest – it was no wonder he was tired.

'Yes, Ani. Try to wind down now.' Obi-Wan set the guitar across his lap and began to strum, singing quietly.

'Kumbayah, my Force, kumbayah, kumbayah, my Force, kumbayah. Kumbayah, my Force, kumbayah. Oh, Force, kumbayah.'

'Obi-Wan Kenobi!' Yoda cried from beside the fire. 'What singing are you? Thought we were supposed to be having a party I did!'

With that, Yoda produced a huge drum kit out of nowhere and played a drum roll, using the Force to play drums twice as high as he was. Darth Sidious appeared from nowhere, and said 'Hey, no hard feelings, guys!'

'Sure, of course not!' The Jedi replied, and then the Karaoke track for 'We're all in this together' came on randomly. For some reason, all the Jedi AND Sith knew the dance, and proceeded to do it perfectly, Anakin and Obi-Wan at the front, then Ki-Adi and Mace, etc. Qui-Gon, Yoda and Darth Maul leapt onto a stage that had conveniently appeared, and Maul began to play the Bass Guitar. Yoda, making the drums continue to play with the force, crowd-dived with great success. Qui-Gon started to move forward, and then thought better of it. Darth Maul began to rap. By this time, all the Younglings were totally hyper again, and leapt manically through the crowd. Then, the music stopped, the stage, drum kit and Bass Guitar disappeared and everyone appeared to forget about what had just happened. Sidious cooperatively went and was dead again.

'Now a party we have had, your guitar you may play again, Obi-Wan.' Yoda allowed.

'Play the Padawan song, Master,' Anakin whispered, curling up again. Obi-Wan sighed. He supposed that all along he had known it was inevitable, like the orbiting of the inhabited planets of the galaxy around their several suns, the playing out of the seasons and the patterns of the Force. But no, not everything was inevitable. Ever since he and Qui-Gon had freed Ani on Tatooine, Obi-Wan had felt a shadow hanging over himself and his Padawan, a feeling that some day, they would be enemies... but that now had quietly disappeared. He took a breath, and began.

'You're my Padawan, sugar plum...' he sang, strumming the guitar, 'cuppy cake, gum drop, the apple of my eye.' It was sugary, childish and devoid of style, true enough, but somehow Obi-Wan found that he didn't mind any more.

------The End------


End file.
